LABOUR ANNOUNCES FISCAL POLICY FOR 2015 GENERAL ELECTION

Ed Balls, Shadow Chancellor, has announced the economic strategy his government would pursue if they were to win the 2015 General Election.

The news comes as a surprise to many voters, as they had forgotten that Mr Balls existed.

“I thought it was a Tory broadcast, giving fake Labour politicians hilarious names to discredit the party” says Mrs. Gladys Ochre of Aberystwyth. 

THE NUMBERS

£3 million on changing Ed Balls’ name to something less mirthful.

£14 billion on backtracking on every policy the Labour Party made between its formation in the early 1900s and New Labour’s victory in 1997

£8 million on knives for backstabbing the unionists and workers

£12 billion on changing the party colours to blue and the party’s name to “The Conservative Party”

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