Ed Balls, Shadow Chancellor, has announced the economic strategy his government would pursue if they were to win the 2015 General Election.
The news comes as a surprise to many voters, as they had forgotten that Mr Balls existed.
“I thought it was a Tory broadcast, giving fake Labour politicians hilarious names to discredit the party” says Mrs. Gladys Ochre of Aberystwyth.
£3 million on changing Ed Balls’ name to something less mirthful.
£14 billion on backtracking on every policy the Labour Party made between its formation in the early 1900s and New Labour’s victory in 1997
£8 million on knives for backstabbing the unionists and workers
£12 billion on changing the party colours to blue and the party’s name to “The Conservative Party”