US GOVERNMENT SHUT DOWN AS CONGRESS IS GROUNDED

Congress told they can’t see their friends or watch TV until they’ve stopped fighting.

In a startling move, Barack Obama has announced that the only way to stop the two houses of Congress fighting is to show them a little discipline.

“Quit your whining”, said the President earlier this morning, “and act your age. If you’re not going to behave like adults – GODDAMMIT DO NOT PULL THAT FACE AT ME YOUNG MAN– if you’re not going to behave like adults, then you’re not going to be treated like them either. Now both of you go to your rooms and think about what you did.”

It is reported that both houses of Congress stamped their feet as they went up the stairs to their rooms, each pushing the other in the shoulders as they ascended.

The grounding of Congress is expected to have a significant impact on the economy of the United States, with electricity bills falling as the internet is switched off for a 12 hour period – “to teach them a lesson about old-fashioned values”.

Michelle Obama was not available for comment, though sources close to the First Lady have attested “this is hurting her more than it is hurting them”.

More on this story as it develops.

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