SYRIA MONITORS ‘OPCW’ WIN NOBEL PRIZE; MALALA YOUSAFZAI “GUTTED”

As the news breaks that ‘OPCW’, the inspection team in charge of ridding Syria of chemical weapons, has won the 2013 Nobel Peace Prize, all eyes turn to Malala Yousafzai, who is reportedly “gutted” that she did not win.

Malala Yousafzai,16, who defied Taliban creed and attended school despite their threats, was shot in the head last year while returning home from school.

She has since been instrumental in changing the world’s attitudes towards education, prompting Gordon Brown to issue a mandate calling for all children t be in school by 2015.

Malala has also been the recipient of the National Youth Peace Prize, the Mother Teresa Memorial Award, the Simone de Beauvoir Prize, the Sakharov Prize for Freedom of Thought, and 15 other internationally recognised awards.

However, this wasn’t enough for Malala Yousafzai. After bribing the Nobel Peace Prize judges, she was sure she would be a shoo-in for the 2013 award. However, the prize was instead awarded to the inspectors who rid Syria of chemical weapons: Malala was hit hard by the snub, and reportedly “threw quite the little tantrum.”

Her father spoke to The Oracle regarding Malala’s attitude:

“Really, I hoped we’d raised her better than this. For a girl who has grown up with so little, this sudden influx of awards has made her as spoilt as a Chelsea brat. When she found out she didn’t win the Nobel Peace Prize, she threatened to go burn down the Birmingham Library [opened by Malala in September 2013] or scratch my favourite DVD, “Happy Gilmore”. Naturally, I sent her to her room, but from there she simply blogged to the BBC about the “social injustice of the patriarchal state that is my house”. I’m at my wit’s end.”

Malala was unavailable for comment, though sources close to her say she is busy constructing her own Nobel Peace Prize out of cardboard and glitter.

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