THE ORACLE’S TOP TEN WAYS TO IMPROVE YOUR LIFE

  1. Add excitement to your lovelife by spitting in your partner’s eye just as they reach orgasm
  2. Explore new and erotic positions to enhance sexual experiences – why not try on top of the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier?
  3. Improve your day-to-day life by taking a different route to work: hijack a plane.
  4. Tired of the same old bathroom routine? Piss in the sink!
  5. Learn how to play a musical instrument, like the cock-banjo.
  6. Take a whole new perspective on your job by mixing LSD in with your cereal each morning.
  7. Mix black pepper and cocaine to spice up your drug life.
  8. Add mystery to your marriage by giving birth to a baby of the opposite colour to your spouse and yourself
  9. Play Tiddlywinks with shards of glass
  10. Break out of your humdrum work routine by masturbating at your desk.
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