THE ORACLE’S FOUR-STEP GUIDE TO BECOMING A NOVELIST

  1. Go to a cafe
  2. Take out a pen and pad with a flourish (maybe crack your knuckles to show you really mean business
  3. Cradle your head in your hands and curse softly, occasionally stopping to look thoughtful
  4. Repeat

N.B.
Pen must never touch paper – to do so would be selling out.

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