Fish and crustaceans living in Boston Harbour have become sentient in the years since the Boston Tea Party, often stopping daily activities to enjoy a cup of the ill-fated tea on the bottom of the ocean.

Expert historians and fish-analysts have come to the conclusion that the tea dumped in Boston Harbour in 1773 permeated the water to such an extent that the local fish developed a taste for it.

“As is well-known throughout the world,” wrote fish analyst Dr Sheila Frich, “tea improves the IQ of an individual greatly. The centuries that this tea has spent floating in and out of fish in Boston Harbour has greatly therefore greatly improved their brainpower to the extent that many of them now host regular ‘tea-parties’ of their own, in underwater caves.”

“It really is beau-tea-ful” concluded the doctor with a debonair wink.

The fish have not yet branched out to other forms of refreshments, The Oracle learned, though they are partial to the odd biscuit. No direct contact has been made with the fish of Boston Harbour, but local residents lowered boxes of tea down as a peace offering last night.


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