The news that US President Barack Obama is actually a 3-D printout has rocked governments around the world.
The news comes after President Obama melted while on a state trip to Australia; observers reported that the President “shrunk an inch a minute” and eventually “oozed from his clothes and onto the floor”.
“We didn’t want to say anything” says White House aide, Drake Omaha, “I mean, what business is it of ours if the President decides to melt? It was only after he started spreading out toward my shoes that I thought something was amiss.”
Obama was mopped up and placed in an airtight carrier bag, in which he was then taken to the airport to fly home. His team was stopped at customs, however, when they were told they weren’t allowed to take liquids of greater volume than 250ml on board. At time of press, the team is still negotiating with the Australian authorities.
The world’s biggest manufacturer of 3-D printers, ThreeTech, has issued a statement confessing that it produced the ersatz President as a marketing strategy back in 2007.
“We created this man in that hope that people would see him and think ‘my God, that’s lifelike. Where can I get me one of those 3-D printers?’. That’s where we come in. However, events spiraled out of control when the printout decided to run for President. Before we knew where we were, events had led to the most powerful man in the world being made of plastic!”
Where this leaves the state of the Presidency it is unknown: Joe Biden, the Vice-President, is currently being tested to see whether he too is made of plastic.