“It was a matter of national urgency; we needed to know whether the storm was planning a grassroots Islamic movement.”

“We are not eavesdropping on it now, and we will not be eavesdropping on it in the future. But we have been eavesdropping on it since its conception until just a few seconds ago” the President confessed at a press conference yesterday, hurriedly deleting the “StormSpy” app from his iPhone.

Angela Merkel was present at the conference, and was later heard to remark “reich reich reich lebensraum schnell schnell untermenschen”.

‘The Oracle Weather’ predicts the incoming storm will wash away most of the British Isles, leaving only Birmingham and Glasgow. It is said the living will envy the dead.


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