The news that US President Barack Obama first started eavesdropping on phone calls while dating his now-wife Michelle comes as Europe erupts in furore over his alleged spying on 60 million Spanish civilians and 1 German Chancellor.
The President explained that, far from being in the interest of national security, his spying on Michelle was purely to ascertain whether she was being as faithful to him as he was to her.
“I never knew whether she was talking to her parents or a string of illicit boyfriends” confessed Obama, scratching the ground with the toe of his shoe, “and I didn’t want to take any risks. So I used my already considerable power to weave an ingenious network of high-tech spy gizmos around her life.”
The President explained that he got a friend to steal Michelle’s phone, before returning it with a tiny little man hidden inside. The man, equipped with a pen and paper, jotted down whatever Michelle said before passing it on to the future President.
Sources close to Michelle Obama have told The Oracle that the First Lady is “brewing up one helluva hissy fit”.