‘YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE’ SAY DOCTORS, EXPERTS

Doctors at the World Health Organisation have come to a consensus that the human race, as a rule, “only lives twice”.

The report, published last night, went on to clarify that the “two lives” consist of “one life for yourself, and one for your dreams”.

Doctors have managed to reach the general conclusion that “you drift through the years, and life seems tame, until one dream appears”.

They added that they had identified that dream as love.

Critics of the report, including the head of Physiology at Harvard University, have responded with the warning that “love is a stranger who’ll beckon you on”. However, they did concede that the stranger-danger was easily avoided, as “think of the danger and the stranger is gone.”

It is expected that this news will be exploited by pharmaceutical companies keen to market a new set of drugs to prolong the ‘second life’. Indeed, GlaxoSmithKline has already unveiled the slogan “the dream is for you, so pay the price. Make one dream come true: you only live twice.”

In other news, reports are coming in of a man “with the Midas touch”.

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