BREAKING NEWS: GOVERNOR OF BANK OF ENGLAND LEAVES COUNTRY’S FINANCES IN TROUSER POCKETS, WASHES TROUSERS

Mark Carney, the Canadian-born Governor of the Bank of England, reportedly forgot he had the nation’s finances in his pockets before he threw his trousers in the wash after spilling tomato sauce on them.

Mr Carney has apologised, saying “it was stupid and thoughtless of me, it really was. But you know how it is: you forget you have some cash in your pocket, and before you know it it’s a sodden mass of pulp.”

It was just unfortunate that the cash I was carrying was the equivalent of 63 million people’s life savings.”

It is said that Mr Carney tried to stop the washing machine after setting it off, but was told on numerous occasions by his wife that once you’ve started it, you can’t open the door.

“Well why the bloody hell not?” murmured Carney, trying to open it via a panel at the back.

When the wash – an intensive 40 degrees 2 hour cycle – finished, Carney’s jeans were covered in pulp and lint from the nation’s finances.

He reportedly tried to peel the bits of money from the jeans, but whether this was an attempt to save the country’s finances or simply to get it off his jeans is a matter of conjecture.

Critics and historians have drawn comparisons with Mr Carney’s mistake of losing the nation’s finances in the wash and King John’s losing of the crown jewels in The Wash – a marsh on the east coast of England.

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