President Obama says he is “sick” of “some stupid storm” stealing his media spotlight.
He complains that Typhoon Haiyan, which hit the Philippines on Friday and has cost at least 10,000 lives, has usurped his place on the world stage.
“I’ve spent so much time battling to destroy my good reputation these past few weeks” the President said, “what with all the phone-hacking and international blunders, and now some punk-ass typhoon rolls up and takes all the limelight!”
“It’s not fair” he moaned, folding his arms.
The typhoon has wrecked the Philippines, driving hundreds of thousands of people from their homes. The UN is organising international aid to help the survivors get through the horrendous conditions. Obama has said that he will give as much aid as is needed “just to get the story over and done with as quickly as possible, so that we can get back to noticing how villainous I’ve become in the past few months.”
“Ruining the hopes and dreams of young liberals around the world isn’t easy” said Obama “and now the news has just stopped talking about me like I don’t even matter anymore. Maybe I should blow Portugal up or something.”
The President is reported to have bunkered himself up in the Oval Office until the world’s media starts talking about him again.