X-Factor runner up Cher Lloyd has been chosen to represent the United Kingdom at the UN Security Council, with supporters citing her “overwhelming swagger” as the number one reason for the choice.

Lloyd, 20, rose to fame when she competed on the X Factor in 2010. After the competition finished, she released the single ‘Swagger Jagger’, which rose to #1 in the UK Charts. She cites Nicki Minaj as her main influence, saying that “Nicki changed the world with her diplomatic efforts in the Middle East, and I plan to reconstruct that when I appear at the UN Security Council.”

Lloyd says she plans to veto any decisions that outlaw swagger, as “although swagger is a controversial matter, I consider it paramount to our nation’s security. I will fight for our right to import and export swagger as we see fit.”

It is predicted that Lloyd will find resistance in the Council, as many of the other members are guilty of being “haters” who “can’t stop tweeting at” Lloyd. She, however, maintains that this bothers her not, and suggests that all opponents “geddoutofmaiway”.

“I plan to use this enormous power given to me to oversee a strategic withdrawal of UN presence in Israel, and also to negotiate an international space program that would allow for swagger to become truly universal.”

The Oracle apologises on behalf of Britain to the rest of the world.


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