It has come to the attention of this esteemed newspaper that 98% of the British population is now Polish, and by god we are shocked.
Is this sort of immigration what we signed up for when our forefathers came in their droves from other countries to found this great nation? No sir!
The Oracle will not stand idly by while blue-collar slobs from other countries come and usurp our own brand of blue-collar slobs. It is time to take a stand against this rampant immigration and “modernisation” of our once great island nation.
The Oracle proposes that every man-jack in England, Scotland, Ireland and Wales takes up a spade and digs the isles 20 degrees further north, away from the pesky immigration routes of the so-called European “Union”. The only thing united about the EU is its united lackadaisical stand on immigration, what what.
We shall move to the North and rejoin the only people who can call themselves truly British – our Inuit brethren. “We welcome you, Inuit friends, to the new British Isles!” we shall call as we stomp on their fields and raid their homes, “Aren’t you lucky that we so vehemently oppose immigration that we were driven to invade you?”
So act now, readers of The Oracle, and save yourself from a life of Polish purgatory.
Read The Oracle; Buy A Spade; Save Your Soul