The UK was shocked today to learn that Nick Clegg, who we vaguely remember from 2010, actually still exists and occupies some form of parliamentary position.

Clegg, who leads the Liberal Democrats and is apparently Deputy Prime Minister (is that even a thing? check it out – Ed.) made his claim to existence last night with the words “I am still here, you know.”

Speaking in the House of Commons when George Osborne almost sat on his lap, Clegg went on to say that Osborne had actually sat on him each time he’d visited the House, but Clegg had been too polite to say something.

David Cameron awoke from a gin-hazed nap long enough to mumble “Still trying, Nick?” before slumping back asleep on the Chancellor of the Exchequer’s shoulder.

Sources report that Nick Clegg dazzled the public with his showmanship in the 2010 General Election, and that he appeared briefly to let down the nation’s students over the Tuition Fee hike, but has since then been largely “incompetent, insufferable, and invisible.”

The existence of his own political party has been thrown into question of late too, with many simply referring to the Lib Dems as “Cameron’s whipping-boys.”


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