NICK CLEGG TO GIVE UP POLITICS, BECOME FULL-TIME RADIO DJ

Clegg, some-time Deputy Prime Minister, has revealed he’s giving up the cellar in 10 Downing Street for the cellar at Capital FM Headquarters.

“This is a decision that I’ve been contemplating for some time” said the leader of the Lib Dems, speaking from the barred window in his underground lair, “but I’m sure that I’ve made the right choice. I’ve loved my time on LBC Radio, but I’ve got to spread my wings and make my own way now.”

When asked about his role in the coalition, he responded: “The what? Oh, yes, that. Well we all knew that was just a side project while I pursued my real dream of being a drive-time DJ.”

“I start next week!” he beamed, sticking his thumbs up through the bars before George Osborne hit him with a stick.

It is rumoured that Clegg’s show will be a mix of easy-listening soft jazz and glam rock, with a weekly segment entitled “Name that Diva.” The show will also comprise quizzes, requests, and readings from Clegg’s personal collection of erotic literature.

David Cameron is said to be “relieved” that Clegg is moving onto radio. People with radios, however, are said to be “dismayed”. Clegg’s wife, Miriam, is said to be “unsatisfied – generally.”

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