Natural disasters, military coups, assassinations and economic downturns all agree to “take five” while the world focuses on Doctor Who’s 50th Anniversary.

As Doctor Who turns 50, news channels around the world – especially the BBC – are “pretty full up”, say experts. “It would be foolish, if not downright dangerous, to try and cram any other events in, so the world has very kindly agreed to postpone doing anything until tomorrow morning.”

It was Doctor Rajesh Kular of the League of Newscasters who first alerted The Oracle to the potential danger of what he calls “newscram”:

“It’s very important to realise that the news can only deal with so much at once. Usually we try and limit it to three natural disasters a week, or five political upheavals. On a good day, we can allow anything up to five economic downturns, but that pretty much fills up the news for the rest of the day.

With the frankly absurd news coverage the 50th anniversary of Doctor Who is getting, we thought it best to stop all other world events until the celebrations are over. That way everyone can focus on ignoring the troubles in the world and just enjoy a science fiction drama.”

The news is joined by a Royal Decree saying that all phone networks in the UK are to be put on hiatus while the show is on, so that no-one is disturbed while watching. It is said that this shall have the effect of preventing “hundreds” of violent revenge crimes.


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