ALEX SALMOND REVEALS BLUEPRINTS FOR INDEPENDENT SCOTLAND THEME PARK

Plans include a high-speed roller-coaster, a dozen or so teacup rides, and a higher minimum wage.

The White Paper, or so-called ‘independence blueprints’, were revealed today at a meeting in Glasgow, shortly before all 73 MSPs were mugged. Alex Salmond, Scotland’s First Minister and leader of the Scottish National Party, had stuck a big label on the front of the plans with the words “My Best Ideas” scrawled on in thick crayon.

The “Best Ideas” dealt with a scenario in which voters had voted “yes” on the independence referendum next September, causing Scotland to become a country independent from the United Kingdom. In Salmond’s plans, the country was then turned into an “independence-themed” theme park, with high-speed rides and “more candy floss than you can shake a stick at”.

Salmond, a self-confessed lover of roller-coasters, said that the plans promised “an exciting new path” in Scotland’s future, and that children would be able to enter a competition to design independent Scotland’s first Hall of Mirrors.

It is expected that the children will come up with ideas more sophisticated and realistic than anything Mr Salmond has produced to this date.

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