The monkeys of Gibraltar have issued a declaration of war against Spain and the United Kingdom, as a reaction to “all the fuss about a silly old bag”.
The monkeys, locally known as Los Monos, have for years been underground political lobbyists, though to date their lobbying has been for nothing more drastic than a decrease in banana tax. This declaration of war has come as a shock to the human citizens of Gibraltar, not to mention the Spanish and British governments.
Los Monos are popular and locally famous, with many shops and cafes paying a secret tribute to the monkeys in order that they may continue to exist. There is a Gibraltar saying: “When you cannot trust the British, and you cannot trust the Spanish, you can always trust the monkeys”. Many citizens of Gibraltar believe that it is the monkeys who will save them if ever there was a dispute over the islands.
A spokesmonkey for Los Monos said that the declaration of war was not a warning or a caution, but “a full-scale declaration of war on the belligerent countries of the United Kingdom and Spain, and on whomsoever would ally themselves with the aforementioned countries”. So far, no countries have condemned the move: indeed, both the UN and the EU have said they “look forward to seeing what happens next”.
No statements have been released from either the Spanish or British governments, though sources say both are in deep consultation with each other over what to do next.
It is expected all sides will break the laws of the Geneva convention.