Disgraced chef, Nigella Lawson, who was yesterday accused of being “off her head” on drugs by her ex-husband Charles Saatchi, has confessed that she was indeed on drugs, and had been “since I was eleven.”



The chef, in court to give evidence in the trial of her two personal assistants, broke down mid-sentence before weeping “it’s true, it’s all true.”

She then went on to confess that not only had she been doing drugs since she was eleven, but that she had also been putting the drugs in each and every dish she made for celebrities on her various cooking shows.

She claims responsibility for the addiction of more than a dozen A-List celebrities.

Lawson also confessed that the ingredients in all her recipes, if prepared correctly, will amalgamate into a very potent faux-cocaine. This faux-cocaine has the same addictive properties as normal cocaine, and Lawson confessed she hoped it would encourage people to buy her recipes more.

If this is true, warned Judge Robin Johnson, Nigella could be found to be the “largest drug dealer we have ever seen”, and will face at least three life sentences in prison.

More on this story as it develops


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