AUTUMN STATEMENT REVEALED: NICK CLEGG SOLD TO RAISE FUNDS

In his unveiling of the Autumn Statement this morning, Chancellor George Osborne let slip that the Deputy Prime Minister, Nick Clegg, would be sold to raise funds for the government.

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“Although the economy is on the up” said the Chancellor in the House of Commons today, “it is important that we continue to rebuild the economy. This time, we will fix the roof while the sun is shining. To that end, we have decided to do a variety of things: cut budgets across government sectors, raise the State Pension Age, sell Nick Clegg to a Taiwanese slave holding…”

Clegg was later seen to be desperately trying to catch Prime Minister David Cameron’s eye, but Cameron seemed oblivious to Clegg’s frantic waving, even going so far as to turn fully away from his deputy and engaging in conversation with Home Secretary Theresa May.

At the end of the Autumn Statement, Clegg tried to speak to George Osborne about his remarks. However, Osborne simply talked to Michael Gove over Clegg’s head, despite the latter jumping up and down in an attempt to get the Chancellor’s attention.

It is expected that Nick Clegg will disappear by this time next week and will fetch up to £1bn on the black market.

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