Expect plagues of frogs and sour milk, warn experts.
Representatives of the Wicca VI – the leading witchcraft representative group in the UK – have claimed responsibility for the storm that raged across the British Isles today.
They say that it is a response to George Osborne’s unveiling of the Autumn Statement, in which he revealed that the state pension age will rise to 68.
The Chancellor of the Exchequer said that “Based on latest life expectancy figures… [we will see] an increase in the state pension age to 68 in the mid-2030s and to 69 in the late 2040s.”
The announcement has already been met with widespread opposition, though the most vocal – and effective – have been the Wicca VI, who released a statement saying that “As witches, we already face a large amount of discrimination in the workplace and in our personal and social lives. It is adding insult to injury to expect us to wait longer and longer before we can finally receive our state pension.”
“We regret having to cast a storm curse upon the British Isles, but feel that it is the most effective way to get our point across. If anyone needs emergency transport away from floods, we here at the Wicca VI will be providing sieves to float across the sea in. Please don’t hesitate to get in touch.”
“Our war is not with the innocent bystander, but with the Chancellor of the Exchequer.”
It is expected that the Wicca VI – who have been described by someone as a terrorist group – will resort to more and more drastic actions until their point is made. Citizens of the British isles have been warned to expect sour milk, plagues of frogs, and blood running from the walls over the next few weeks.
If you have been affected by any of the actions of the Wicca VI, please contact the anti-witchcraft hotline on 999-666 and state your name and address.