THE ORACLE MYTHBUSTERS: DO CATS REALLY EXIST?

Welcome to the first in a series of new articles entitled “The Oracle Mythbusters”. Here, a crack team led by chemist Nikolai Romanski will attempt to uncover some of the most commonplace urban myths you encounter in your day to day lives, and explain to you – our beloved readers – the truth. This segment will run until the end of January next year, or until we run out of things to disprove.

Today, the Mythbusters are tackling one of the most prevalent urban myths in today’s world: the myth that cats actually exist.

What People Think:

  • Cats are small, furry, warm-blooded felines
  • They are often kept as pets
  • They were revered in Ancient Egypt

The Truth:

  • Cats do not exist
  • They are mental projections designed to entertain the mind during periods of inactivity
  • We’re not 100% sure Ancient Egypt existed either

Cats, far from being the commonest house pet, are actually just figments of a collective imagination shared by the human race. This phenomenon came about as a result of our brains developing faster than our bodies, leading to inactivity in the mind as it waited for the body to develop so it could accommodate the brain’s desires. In short: the mind wanted to do things that the body couldn’t handle.

To fill the time while it waited for the body to develop (several million years), the brain created a mental distraction to keep itself occupied. Using a variety of personality traits that the human race finds most pleasant – such as aloofness, good-grooming, sleepiness, and sarcasm – the brain formed a perfect ‘playmate’ to entertain itself with while it waited for the body to develop and become the ‘playmate’ it originally wanted.

However, as we evolved further and our consciousness started to grow at the expense of a shrinking subconsciousness (the ‘playmate’ being developed mostly by the subconsciousness), we lost track of reality and fantasy. We could no longer tell whether this thing we had created was an apparition or a real-life animal. As the millennia went by, however, we collectively decided that this ‘cat’ (as we had come to call it) was indeed a physical entity, and that’s the way we decided to treat it from then on.

In the years since, the illusion has developed to such a high standard that it is unlikely we will ever be rid of it: instead, just be content in the knowledge that your cat isn’t real, but instead your evolutionary playmate.

Thanks, readers. Tune in next time for more Mythbusting!

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