THE ORACLE’S BEST ARTICLES: DEATH PENALTY REINTRODUCED FOR PEOPLE WHO LEAVE TEABAGS IN THE SINK

As part of the countdown to 2014, The Oracle has decided to look back at some of our favourite articles over the past year. Granted, we’ve only been going since September, but we’ve got 200 articles to choose from.

Today’s article was written at the time of the Conservative Party Conference earlier this year, and dealt with the growing social evil of teabags being left in the sink

 

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In his closing speech at the Conservative party conference, David Cameron announced plans to reintroduce the death penalty for people who leave teabags in the sink after making a cup of tea.

The news was met with rapturous applause from the assembled Conservative party members, many of whom have been campaigning for such a law for years.

“This is not just a victory for tea drinkers” professed Miss Judith Argyll, Tory member, “but a victory for all who oppose slobbishness and wayward habits in the kitchen.”

When the news broke, politicians from across the political spectrum flocked to Twitter to express their almost unanimous agreement with the proposal.

“About bloody time” tweeted John Prescott

“This is an issue that we can all get behind” wrote Ed Milliband

“I thorual ybeluv ne this r9bje” penned David Blunkett.

The death penalty was repealed in 1965, but now seems “dead” set on making a comeback.

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