As part of the countdown to 2014, The Oracle has decided to look back at some of our favourite articles over the past year. Granted, we’ve only been going since September, but we’ve got 200 articles to choose from.
Today’s article reveals the horrible truth behind Monty Python’s recent announcement of their reunion. Trigger Warning: contains silly walks.
Former comedians to band together in new supreme terrorist organisation.
News broke this morning that the surviving members of the comedy group Monty Python – John Cleese, Eric Idle, Terry Gilliam, Terry Jones, and Michael Palin – are to pool their wealth and powers to form an international ‘axis of evil’: a terrorist group with the resources to declare war on any establishment and be sure of their success.
Jones released a statement on Twitter this morning explaining:
“The Brotherhood has been disbanded for too long. When next we meet, fire shall rain on the empires of the West. Hold fast, democracy, for your time has ended.”
This was later followed by an email to the Heads of State of 25 countries issuing demands, “lest the Flying Circus come to town”. The email also included an animated sketch – later identified as a Gilliam sketch – of a group of clowns with skull masks dancing around a burning effigy of David Cameron, Barack Obama, and Angela Merkel.
Michael Palin has revealed that his time spent abroad filming his travel documentaries was also time spent “conversing with the downtrodden peoples of the Earth, to incite them to rebel against the imperial powers”.
“You watched my documentaries on television” he announced to a crowd at Trafalgar Square, “little did you know you were watching your own swift and terrible death!” He was then lifted away by a giant boot.
The G7 have called an immediate emergency summit to discuss the news, with reports stating that Obama is calling for “swift and decisive action” to “crush these hippie upstarts before they get a public following”.
In a poll taken earlier today, it was revealed that 96% of Britons would much rather be ruled by Monty Python than by the current government.
John Cleese has dismissed reports that should they take control of the British Government he would establish a “Ministry of Silly Walks”.
“Of course I wouldn’t create such a ministry” he said in a video statement, “the only ministries I shall create are the Ministry of Pain, the Ministry of Propaganda, and the Ministry of Lumberjack Songs.”
The international police organisation, InterPol, are looking into the mysterious death of a parrot that occurred earlier this year “in hope that it may contain vital clues.”