BRITAIN BRACED FOR FLOODS AS SHERLOCK SERIES FINALE AIR DATE DRAWS CLOSER

Britain has been warned to expect “major and life-threatening floods” caused by the tears of people watching the series finale of the BBC show ‘Sherlock’ this Sunday.

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Sherlock, which returned to screens on New Year’s Day following a two-year hiatus, is notorious for employing underhand techniques such as “good acting” and “decent scripts” in order to solicit tears from its fans.

Experts are worried, however, that the coming episode – entitled “His Last Vow” – may well have gone over the top in its attempts to make audiences cry. Indeed, such is the magnitude of the threat, over 100 flood warnings have been put in place in England, Wales, and Scotland.

“Series finales are very dangerous in meteorological terms” said a spokesperson for the Met Office, “and we often keep tabs on how audiences react to certain plot points – deaths of characters, births, weddings, surprise regenerations, etc. We’ve been very worried about the Sherlock finale since the end of Series 2, after which we experienced a huge rise in water levels across the country as gallons of tears flooded from viewers’ eyes.”

“However, we believe that the end of Series 3 may well create an even greater flow of tears, and therefore we have deemed it proper to place flood warnings until the episode has finished.”

Advice from the Met Office on how to avoid the flooding includes:

  • Stay upstairs
  • Avoid going outside
  • Avoid bridges or running water
  • If at all possible, avoid watching the episode
  • Avoid people who have already watched the episode

One plucky fan from Aberystwyth has devised an ingenious solution to stay safe on Sunday.

“I’ve lined my living room with tissues” said Gwyneth Jones, 21 “creating a protective layer of absorbing paper. The floor has tissues of a depth of up to 3 feet, and the walls are more tissue than stone.”

“I can now cry all I like, and be afforded the peace of mind that the tissues will soak up any water that poses a threat to my house or the community.”

Showrunner Steven Moffat has released a statement saying that “all the tissues and flood barriers in the world won’t protect you from what’s coming, Britain. We will drown together.”

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