NICK CLEGG CHALLENGES LORD RENNARD TO RAP BATTLE

The leader of the Liberal Democrats, Nick Clegg, has challenged Lord Chris Rennard to a rap battle to decide “which mutha steps down”.

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Lord Rennard, Lib Dem peer since 1999, has recently been at the heart of a sexual misconduct scandal that forced him to resign as Chief Whip last year.

Claims that he sexually assaulted women drove Rennard to leave his high-ranking position, and have plagued him since. However, Lord Rennard refuses to admit any such sexual advances, and despite Nick Clegg’s demands for an apology, refuses to say sorry on the legal grounds that “to apologise would be an admission of guilt”.

The Deputy Prime Minister today released a statement that “Rennard has pushed me and the party too far: as far as I’m concerned, there is only one way to settle this debate. I’m afraid I must challenge Lord Rennard to a bitchin’ rap battle.”

Such a challenge is not unheard of in Westminster, with rap battles traditionally taking place between vying Prime Minister hopefuls; however, this is the first time that a rap battle will take place between two members of the same political party.

Mr Clegg has requested that the rap battle take place in the House of Commons rather than the House of Lords. It is no secret that the Deputy Prime Minister is uneasy in the Lords, but it is unclear how much of an advantage the home turf will offer him as Lord Rennard can allegedly “rip up sick beats on any ground, any time”.

While Lord Rennard is yet to release a reply to Mr Clegg’s challenge, sources close to the peer have revealed he is already hard at work thinking of words to rhyme with “Nick”.

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