BREAKING NEWS: CAMERON AND HOLLANDE DIE IN TRAGIC GAME OF DARTS AT OXFORDSHIRE PUB

A state of emergency has been declared following a disastrous summit at an Oxfordshire pub, in which David Cameron and Francois Hollande were both struck down in a tragic game of darts.

image

The UK Prime Minister and French President were engaging in an informal summit at an Oxfordshire pub when they broke for a game of darts. Given the unfortunate lack of athletic ability in both leaders, it was perhaps a game bound to end in tragedy of some sort; and end in tragedy it did.

Although reports are still sketchy, sources say that Hollande was taking a run up to the dartboard when he tripped over a barstool and landed, face down, in a pint of bitter. The dart he had been holding flew into the air and landed, with some force, on David Cameron’s head – penetrating the skull and entering the brain. Meanwhile, the French President drowned in a light and hoppy beer.

By the time the bodyguards of the leaders had returned from an ill-timed cigarette break, both Cameron and Hollande had passed away. Witnesses of the accident say that they did attempt to remove the dart from Cameron’s head before the bodyguards came back, but were “afraid the blood might spurt out and stain our shirts”. As for Hollande, they claim they “thought he was just really enjoying his drink”.

Rumours are already circulating about whether this affair will lead to a state of war between the two countries, or whether the darts game will make it into the Guiness Book of World Records for “most diplomatically disastrous game of darts in modern history”.

Tragically, when Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg was informed of the accident, he promptly dropped dead of a heart attack at the prospect of having some real power for once.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s