ISLAND NATION FAMOUS FOR BAD WEATHER FAILS TO PREPARE FOR RAIN

Great Britain, surrounded by water on all sides and infamous for its bad weather, has once again failed to prepare for the chance it might rain.

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In a shock move, a country that is literally surrounded by water has yet again not prepared itself for flooding.

With a coastline nearly 20,000 miles long, and a capital city that is reputedly the third wettest city in Europe, the UK can be forgiven for forgetting that water exists and sometimes falls from the sky. Such was the case this winter, when hundreds of thousands of homes lost power to raging storms, and remained powerless for weeks on end.

In January and February, however, things got even worse when, in a surprising turn of events, the Somerset Levels – actually named for the fact that they are very flat – suffered extreme flooding.

“Well it came as a complete shock,” spluttered farmer Bill Roberts from under 8 feet of water. “It’s just not the sort of thing you expect to happen for the seventh year in a row.”

Environment Agency Chairman Lord Smith has come under fire for not issuing swift help to those affected by the rain, but he defended himself today while visiting some of the worst-hit areas:

“We’ve done an awful lot to try and stop the flooding. We’ve sent some soldiers to try and scare the water away by shooting at it, and we’ve sent the Prince of Wales to try and command the waters to leave, like King Cnut. We’ve even sent our apologies in the hope they might act as a barrier, but is is clear that our apologies just don’t hold water.” 

“We’re going to start sacrificing UKIP party members to the rain-god soon, see if that does the trick.”

It is expected that as soon as the water dries up, the flooding will be forgotten about until summer, when it will inevitably happen again. So look out for this article being reprinted in 6 months time, only with slightly different dates.

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