BREAKING NEWS: PUTIN AND YANUKOVYCH ANNOUNCE HOMOSEXUAL RELATIONSHIP

Russia’s President Vladimir Putin and Ukraine’s President Viktor Yanukovych have announced they are entering a homosexual relationship with each other.

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The news comes after the heads of state met during the opening ceremony for the Sochi Winter Olympics.

“At first we met merely to discuss the best ways to suppress our peoples,” said Putin in a statement earlier today, “but very soon it became clear that Viktor was not only passionate about brutal regimes.”

“At first I didn’t realise what Vladimir was trying to do when he suspended financial aid to my country,” added Yanukovych, “but now I see he was just playing hard-to-get.”

Putin’s infamous decree that forbids the discussion of homosexuality in front of children has been at the forefront of many debates surrounding the Winter Olympics, and it is unclear how this new relationship will affect the human rights issues in Russia. Yanukovych, however, is keen to see that Putin does not step down over the issue:

“I fell in love with an oppressive, brutal tyrant. I would not see that man change for all the caviar in all the stereotypes in all the world. I hope that Vladimir will continue to persecute people for being themselves, and that he will help me do the same in my own little country.”

Gossip magazines are already calling the couple Vlad and Vicky, and it is expected an engagement will soon be announced.

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