COVERAGE OF WINTER OLYMPICS “ABOUT AS EXCITING AS WATCHING YOUR GRAN EAT”

Viewing figures for ‘Come Dine With Me’ soar as viewers look for anything – anything – else to watch.

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Television Watchdog Ofcom has warned that the BBC’s coverage of the Winter Olympics may be “dangerously dull”, calling it “about as exciting as limp spaghetti”.

Already hundreds of complaints have been logged as viewers phone in to disparage the entertainment quality of watching someone mop an icy floor.

“I didn’t ask for this,” said one disgruntled viewer, “I didn’t expect to be ambushed by sport at this time in the year. Summer is for sport, that’s why they begin with the same letter.”

“With all the furor surrounding the gay rights campaign, I thought that the Sochi Olympics would be mildly interesting,” reads another complaint, “but I was wrong. We were all wrong.”

Many viewers are saying they now regret that Stephen Fry’s bid to boycott the Olympics didn’t succeed; not because they care about human rights, but because then at least they wouldn’t have to put up with this Winter Blunderland each time they flick on the television.

Many viewers are turning to extreme ways of avoiding the Olympic coverage, with some even turning to More 4 in the hope that they can lose themselves in a 4-hour long block of ‘Come Dine With Me’.

David Suchet’s career is experiencing a revival following his farewell from ITV’s ‘Poirot’, as the number of people watching old episodes of the drama on ITV3 has risen steeply since the games began.

“It’s only been four days,” bemoaned one heartbroken viewer, “how the hell can it have only been four days?”

While winter sports such as snowboarding and ski jumping are often lauded as “extreme” and “exciting”, it is clear that there is definitely such a thing as “too much of a good thing”.

Many forlorn lovers of anything that doesn’t involve skis have offered to swap houses with people living in the Somerset Levels, “just to get away from the telly for a while. Drowning would be preferable to seeing another snowboard.”

It is expected that levels of disgruntlement will only grow as the sports continue.

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