“It is clear that these events are not just coincidence,” said Dr Jayne Hummer of the International Seismic Association in an interview with the BBC earlier today, “and that God – for whatever reason – probably just has a bee in his bonnet about the southwest.”
“Maybe it’s because of the unbalanced media coverage they’ve gotten. Maybe it’s because of The Archers. Who knows. All that we are capable of understanding is that some deity is taking out its angst on the battered people of Somerset and Devon.”
Warnings are already being issued to residents of the possibility of a “plague of locusts, mosquitoes, or politicians.” Many fear that the Rapture will come on swift wings.