BREAKING NEWS: FLIGHT MH370 TO STAGE “COMEBACK TOUR” OF CHINESE GOVERNMENT BUILDINGS

Missing Malaysian flight MH370 is busy “preparing for a comeback tour” that will see it visiting government buildings across China, says a press release issued earlier.

 

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The Boeing 777, with 239 people on board, disappeared a week ago en route from Kuala Lumpur to Beijing. The passengers were made up of 14 different nationalities, the majority – 153 – being Chinese; the staff and crew, however, were all Malaysian.

Speculation about its fate has been wild and all-encompassing, with theories ranging from hijacking to technical faults, and from alien activity to natural disasters.

However, reports emerged earlier today that the plane’s tracking device was deliberately turned off early on in the flight – prompting the Malaysian government to suggest at a conference that the flight had indeed been hijacked, rather than fallen victim to natural causes. This accompanied an official statement regarding the flight path of the plane, attesting that it is believed to have abandoned its planned route and turned westwards – without notifying air traffic control. The Malaysian Prime Minister issued a statement saying that “these movements are consistent with deliberate action by someone on the plane”.

However, much to everyone’s surprise, a radio press release was issued shortly after the conference from an individual who claimed to be “MH370’s touring manager”. The individual, who called himself Mr M, dismissed claims that the aircraft was damaged in any way, and instead assured listeners that “MH370 is as ready to rock as it ever was”.

Claiming to be speaking from the plane itself, Mr M went on to explain the mysterious goings-on:

“We understand everyone’s frustration at the lack of transparency regarding MH370’s future plans, but I hope you all realise that we needed to make sure everything was ready before we made anything public. To that end, we cut off all communication with the outside world so that we could all get our heads down and focus on what will be a tiring couple of months for everyone involved.

For, it is my great pleasure to be able to announce that Flight MH370 will be staging a comeback tour later this month, as a ‘thank you’ to all those who never gave up on us. MH370 will be delivering five shows across China, and tickets will be allotted at random to citizens and public officials across the nation. We can confirm that the tour will be hitting government buildings as a priority, but if we can find the time we will be sure to accommodate civilian structures too. That’s all from us for now, but keep your eyes and ears open for more news!”

The press release finished with a recording of Steppenwolf’s 1968 hit, “Born to Be Wild”.

Though reports coming out of Malaysia are still sketchy, the Prime Minister is said to be “relieved” and “ready to rock”.

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