ST GEORGE’S DAY MARKED BY VIOLENT DRAGON-SAINT CLASHES ACROSS ENGLAND

Home Counties and London hit hardest by violence after peaceful protests go awry.

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England has erupted into chaos after a series of peaceful protests by the National Institute for the Rehabilitation of Dragons (NIRD) turned violent across the country.

The protests were organised by NIRD in an attempt to convince the public that “today’s dragons are not history’s monsters”, and that they should “be allowed to assimilate into day-to-day life, not as creatures, but as friends”.

Peaceful marches were conducted in major cities across England, with the largest – in Guildford, Surrey – attracting over 1000 dragons: the largest single gathering of dragons in 200 years. Dragon-sympathetic humans also joined the march, with many dressed in costumes that depicted their fiery friends.

However, reports came in shortly after the marches began this morning of aggressive movements by the Most Ancient and Noble Order of the Saints, directed at the assembled NIRD supporters. Witnesses claimed that heckling, both verbal and physical, was rampant, and in one case – in Stratford-Upon-Avon – a fire engine was hijacked by renegade saints and used to chase after a group of dragons.

NIRD officials were quick to condemn the disruption of the marches, claiming that the dragons were not a public menace and were simply evoking their right  to peaceful protest. Attempts were made to calm the riled dragons, but a volley of fire extinguishers thrown by saints from the rooftops of Guildford led to violent clashes between dragons and the Most Ancient and Noble Order of the Saints.

Although other marches across the country were continuing peacefully (with those in York and Durham suffering no disruption whatsoever), when word spread that there were clashes in Guildford, violence erupted in most major cities across England. Those with a high dragon population – including Plymouth, Leominster, and Worcester – suffered great fire-and-claw damage to public property.

Violence is also spreading to London, where pro-dragon groups have a generational stronghold. Boris Johnson is yet to issue a statement on the violence, though officers of the Metropolitan Police are already at hand with anti-riot equipment.

Dragon-saint clashes are continuing across the country at the time of press, and although it is too early to comment on the immediate outcome, it is clear that the cause for better dragon-human relations has suffered a devastating setback.

If you have been affected by the Dragon-Saint clashes of 23/04/2014, and would like to be contacted by The Oracle for witness viewpoints, email theoraclepaper@gmail.com

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